Becoming a Mother: July 6th

I sat down to write out my entire birth experience to share,

but I couldn't find the right words to convey

such a sacred and special experience. 

But somehow when I sat down to write about becoming a mother,

the words seem to flow :)

So instead of forcing a detailed birth story,

I will share about how I became a mother:

It all started on July 5th.

Due to my blood clot I developed at 36 weeks pregnant,

I had to be induced and give birth in a hospital,

which was bitter sweet news.

I was sad I couldn't give birth at my birthing center,

but it meant that my family could make it from California to the birth.

We checked into the hospital at 6:00am.

We got comfortable in our room,

and I had Matt give me a blessing.

It was so beautiful and it calmed all my nerves.

In the blessing he mentioned that we would have

positive interactions with my nurses and doctors.

The thing that stood out to me the most,

was that he blessed that our baby girl would be ok 

throughout the whole process.

In anticipation for this day,

that was what I was most worried about.

I just wanted my baby to be ok.

Around 7:30 I started Cytotec to get things started.

I was only going off 4 hours of sleep,

because who can sleep when they know what will take place

that next day??

My body tolerated the cytotec well and things started to slowly progress.

I was then started on a low dose of pitocin

and that really made the cramping start!

It started out as an upset stomach,

but slowly got worse and worse.

I started at 1cm dilation and had a long way to go!

I was having too many contractions with the pitocin

and my body wasn't handling it very well

so they had to lower my dose.

I was only supposed to be having 2-3 per screen.

Once they lowered my dose,

I was able to manage them a lot better!

At this point I could still talk through my contractions,

 but they were getting worse.

It was around 1:00 that I finally got to 2cm,

and it was decided to break my water

to help progress things.

I had a TON of amniotic fluid!

It was the weirdest feeling when they broke it.

After it was broken I felt my stomach.

It was not as round as it used to be.

I could actually feel the baby a lot better.

She was just on the other side of my skin!

The rest of the afternoon seemed to go by really fast,

but my progression was slow.

I brought my own birth (exercise) ball to labor on

and that helped at ton!

It gave such good support to my whole body.

I also loved the ice chips :)

The day dragged on and I used my breathing techniques

I had learned in our birthing class.

I took a couple doses of fentanyl to help take the edge off

the contractions.

However, the more you use it the less it works,

so I couldn't use it too much.

By 7:00 that evening, the pain had really hit.

I was only about 3.5cm dilated.

I was starting to feel discouraged at this point.

I had been in labor for about 12 hours 

and I wasn't even half way done.

I was exhausted, hungry,

and dying of thirst.

I had snuck a couple sips of Matt's gatorade,

my sister's slushie,

and a few goldfish,

but that was all I was running off of.

I had no energy to get through the contractions!

The evening continued as kind of a blur.

My midwife Carrie Ann arrived

and gave me amazing labor support.

I remember begging for an epidural

from the intense pitocin induced contractions.

Everyone in the room knew I did not want 

the epidural so they would not give it to me.

At those moments, I hated them :)

In the end though, I was so grateful they didn't let me!

One of the amazing things about laboring naturally

and with no epidural,

is being able to move in labor.

There were many positions and options for me

to help manage my pain.

In addition to the birth ball,

the hospital bed was able to convert into a chair.

This was called the "throne" position.

The hospital also had a "peanut ball" for me to use.

It is an exercise ball, just in the shape of a peanut.

This was my favorite to use in labor.

It really got things moving and it was comfortable.

I used it to lean on and to straddle.

A little before midnight something started to change.

I was in the bed focusing on getting through contractions,

when I felt the urge to push.

I opened my eyes to look at Matt by my bedside,

and told him to get a nurse because this baby was coming!

He looked startled and started to get scared.

This meant the baby was coming 

and would have to come out of me!

The part I was super nervous for.

The nurse came in to check how far dilated I was,

and I was only 7cm.

She told me not to push and to breath through the contractions,

because if I pushed I would swell my cervix.

At this point EVERY contraction was a wave of pushing.

I could not "breath" through the urge to push!

It was near to impossible.

After a few more contractions where I pushed through half

and "breathed" through the others,

I kept saying this baby was coming!

The nurse checked me again and I was  finally complete at 10cm.

However, I still had to "breath" through them

since the doctor was not in the room yet.

The nurses started to scramble 

and I was not going to "breath" through another urge to push. 

I just let this baby come because I knew someone would catch her!

I had a few more sets of contractions,

and she started to crown.

After 17 hours of laboring naturally,

and within 20-30min of feeling the urge to push at 7cm,

she was born at 12:23am on July 6th.

I was amazed at how when Jordyn decided to come,
SHE CAME!
7cm to birth in that short amount of time.
It was almost as if she didn't want to be born on July 5th :)

I had some amazing skin to skin bonding moments

with my sweet baby.

I was finally a mother and there was no better feeling.

I was filled with such joy and love

that I cannot describe.

Our families were there to see our sweet babe.

It was such a joyous moment!

This little bundle of joy has completely changed our world.

We would do anything for her,

and I would go through the birthing experience anytime

if it meant getting this precious gift at the end :)

36 Weeks: Hospital Visit

This last week was the week of all weeks for us!

So much has happened and is continuing to happen,

that my mind and body can hardly keep up.

It is a bit of a long story,

so be prepared :)

Last week starting on Monday,

I started to have this really weird pain in my lower back

right above my left hip.

The pain caused me to limp a little bit,

and it slowly started to get worse.

We weren't sure what it was at first,

and thought it was sciatica 

or some other really bad pinched nerve

that was caused from the weight of baby getting bigger.

So I had Matt rub it out and I used oils 

to help get some relief from the pain.

I used a heating pad and that felt amazing.

By Wednesday night I wasn't feeling any relief

and so I decided to take a nice warm bath

with oils and everything nice :)

It felt so good to get off my leg

and just sit in a warm bubble bath!

Once I got out, however,

I noticed that my left leg 

was about twice the size of my right leg!

I showed Matt and we were surprised and a little worried.

Pregnancy brings lots of swelling,

but that much and only in one leg??

It was odd.

The next day I told my midwives about the swelling,

and they suggested I go a chiropractor and get a belly band

to help re-align things and to get the weight of baby

off of my leg.

By this point my muscles on the inside of my left thigh

were really sore,

and my whole leg hurt from over compensating for the limp

and baby weight. 
Or so I thought.

So Friday morning I made an appointment at the chiropractor,

and it felt really good!

I felt aligned and the pain was relieved,

but not completely.

At this point, however,

I was just grateful for ANY relief.

Later that day,

Matt and I went to Ikea to shop for some cute things

for our little girls room.

Walking around was killing my leg,

but I was determined to not let it slow me down.

It felt like just a sore muscle and I could push past that!

That night I also went out shopping for my belly band

with some friends which meant more walking.

The belly band did help and felt AMAZING!

I love that thing :)

By the time I got home, my legs were shot

and of course swelling up,

but only in the left leg.

My entire leg.

Saturday was nothing big,

but the pain of my leg kept me from doing much.

I had a meltdown and couldn't take the pain much longer.

Why was it hurting so bad??

Why was it not getting better??

I took a bath,

used oils,

saw a chiropractor,

got the belly band,

and nothing was helping!

I couldn't even sit through church the next day.

My leg now throbbed while sitting down.

I was fed up.

I called my midwife and told her about my pain

and how it wasn't going away.

The swelling was constantly there and never fully went down,

but did get worse at night and better in the mornings.

She suggested I go to the ER.

I must say I HATE the ER!

I didn't want to go and so I debated going for a couple hours.

I couldn't shake the feeling that it could be something serious

and I could never forgive myself if it was.

It wasn't just my own life anymore,

I'm carrying my sweet baby girl

and I couldn't imagine anything bad happening to her.

So I got a blessing.

I needed the guidance to know what to do.

Matt and his friend Blake gave me the blessing,

and it was exactly what I needed!

I knew I needed to go to the ER.

I wanted to avoid the ER so bad,

and it was suggested to me from my family 

that I just go straight to Labor and Delivery.

I gave them a call and told me to come straight there.

They knew I was coming,

and it was a smooth process being able to see them

and not wait forever in the ER.

So I was put into a room and Matt and I thought,

"Here we go!".

We thought they would just do some tests,

we would wait around a while,

be given a drug for pain,

and then sent home.

If only that's how it happened!

The nurses came in and were so sweet.

We hardly had to wait very long

before they took some blood,

hooked baby up to a monitor,

and ordered for me to get an ultrasound on my leg.

The ultrasound tech came up to us and looked at my leg.

They are not supposed to tell you anything

until it's been reviewed.

But after he was done looking at my leg,

he got straight on the phone with someone

and we heard him use the words:

severe

immediately

huge

blood clot.

He then turned to us and said

it was pretty safe to say I have a blood clot

and need to be treated right away.

My stomach sank as I looked over to Matt

who was just as shocked.

As soon as the ultrasound tech left the room,

I lost it.

How could this be happening??

We were supposed to come in,

have nothing wrong,

and be sent home like usual. 

We waited for a little bit,

and then the doctor came in with the radiologist on the phone.
He explained that it was a "dandy" blood clot
and that it went from just above my knee
all the way to my pelvis.
Um, that's huge.

He gave me 4 options:

1. Have a procedure to have it removed that night

2. Just get rid of it by a blood thinner drip

3. Do a less invasive way of removing the clot, but would take longer.

4. Wait until after baby to treat the clot

At this point I was scared, but even more scared of leaving it.

They suggested I have the procedure that night,

and I agreed.

It would involve them inserting a catheter 

in the back of my left knee,

and going in with tools like "egg beaters"

to break up and remove the clot. 

I tried not to think about it too much,

and I didn't want to stress and have it affect baby.

But honestly, it freaked me out.

I have never had surgery before,

or had to stay a couple days in the hospital.

I was scared and a little nervous

to not have either sets of parents with us,

but we handled it the best we could.

So it was time for surgery.

They came in with a wheelchair and took me away.

They were very smooth about it and made the transition fast.

I hated leaving Matt there alone in the room,

it was all so unknown for us.

Once I got to the surgery room, 

they started to explain the procedure and what would be happening.

They handed me a form to sign as consent to this drug I would be getting.

They preceded it with,

"It hasn't been proven to be safe in pregnancy,

but it hasn't not been proven to be safe in pregnancy."

Comforting.

So I signed the paper anyways since I didn't want to feel the procedure.

They asked if I was nervous 

and of course I said yes.

Then they admitted that they were too

since they had only done this procedure twice before

on a pregnant mom.

Once again, comforting.

I tried to put my mind somewhere else as they hooked me up 

and pumped the drugs.

I was aware for the first part of it,

but felt loopy and didn't care much.

I could feel the vibrating tool going up and down the inside of my leg.

It was quite uncomfortable.

A couple times I couldn't stand it and asked for more drugs.

After a few more doses, I was knocked out.

Next thing I know, I'm waking up in a new room

where Matt and my midwives were waiting. 

I was so out of it and I remember trying to gain consciousness.

It was such a weird feeling!

However, I don't remember them moving me to the bed after surgery,

wheeling me down the hall,

or entering the room and waiving.

Apparently I was in surgery for about 2 hours,

and my poor husband had to sit and wait till I got out.

I can't imagine that pacing and waiting feeling.

He was such a trooper and was glad to see me :)

(And glad to see I still had my humor as I came off the meds!)

That night was rough.

It was a mix of pain meds to keep me comfortable,

sleeping on my side since I was pregnant,

having my legs hooked up to compression bands,

and then being monitored every hour.

I didn't sleep very well and was woken up for the day

by the nurses drawing some labs.

Let me tell you, sleeping on your side when your legs are bound to the bed,

is really hard and near to impossible to get comfortable.

This is what they looked like

So fun and comfortable! :)

But what an emotional roller coaster!

It was one thing after another

and meeting with so many different doctors 

about my options for delivery.

We had ultrasounds done on baby,

constant monitors,

I was poked about 5-6 different times for labs,

and on top of that I was contracting.

Apparently before and after the surgery

I was having consistent contractions every 2-3mins,

but luckily I had no idea and couldn't feel a thing.

They gave me a shot to stop the contractions

since my body was in no condition to deliver a baby!

As they kept monitoring my leg and baby,

we tried to relax and wrap our brains around what exactly was happening.

We did have fun watching tv,

our friends coming to say hi,

 and having yummy food delivered to us :)

No really, the food was good!

As we met with the doctors,

they informed me that I would now have to be on blood thinners

from now until I deliver my baby,

and then for up to 6 months after baby.

When I asked what this meant,

they explained that I would have to give myself a shot twice a day,

IN THE BELLY.

They said it is just like an insulin shot,

Where the needle is small and it wouldn't hurt too bad.

So the nurse came in and bless her heart,

gave me my first shot.

She was not gentle and did it super fast.

It was traumatizing!

It hurt WAY worse than any IV I had received.

I was scared and kept telling Matt I couldn't do it.

This would be the end of me.

I HATE NEEDLES!

So low and behold we stayed all day Tuesday

just so they could watch us both give the shots

to make sure we were capable.

So I went first.

Mentally, how can anyone give themselves a shot in their pregnant belly??

I was scared and it seemed wrong!

Luckily we had a new nurse helping us do it,

and she suggested I ice the area till it hurts

and then give myself the shot.

Brilliant.

After I iced it, I tried to give myself the shot.

I couldn't do it.

The nurse and Matt were very encouraging,

but I had a mental block where I couldn't get myself to put the needle inside my belly.

The nurse said it wouldnt be too bad and the next thing I know

she helped guide my hand and the needle was in!

I was shocked and almost reacted to where I pulled it back out!

But I didn't and injected the liquid.

That stuff burns.

Matt did a much better job I must admit :)

This is the needle and tool I have to use twice a day.

I have 60 of them!

So after they could see we were capable of doing the injections,

we were able to finally go home!

I was nervous to go home to be honest.

I knew recovery wouldn't be fun,

but I was excited to sleep in my own bed :)

Now that we are home,

recovery hasn't been too bad!

I have to wear these compression socks on both legs 24/7.

They are not too bad, but it is like wearing tights.

In the summertime it is not too fun I must admit.

But I better get used to wearing them until our girl gets here :)

Matt has been such an angel and doing everything for me

and helping me put the socks on.

The doctors want me up and moving around as much as I can,

but it is painful and I need assistance.

Luckily it is getting better.

However,

the bruises from the surgery are now starting to really show up,

and it's not a pretty sight since I am on blood thinners :(

It feels better than it looks though, I promise!

This is what it looked like the day after surgery.

And this is what it looked like yesterday.

Sorry it's a little gross.

But it feels better than it looks!

We have had such wonderful friends and family

bring us dinner and food.

We are so grateful for the love and support,

it was definitely appreciated :)

A huge shout out goes to my sweet husband Matt!

He has been such a trooper throughout this whole process.

He cleaned our entire apartment when we got home

and he caters to my every need. 

He willingly gives me my shots twice a day,

even though it is hard sometimes.

I don't know what I would have done

without his support and shoulder to lean on this week.

He is my rock and I love him so much :)

Here are some more random pictures

of our hospital visit.

the monitor baby was hooked up to

My "bunny" of an IV :)

Our big room that we lucked out to stay in

My dear sweet husband catching some sleep when he could

US!

Matt and his yummy cinnamon roll

The silly nurse blew my vein...it hurt!

We have a lot to think about and decide now,

of how and when we will have our baby.

Since I am now high risk,

I can no longer deliver in the birthing center I work at.

I'm devastated.

My two options now are:

1. Get induced between 39 and 40 weeks. 

This way I know when to stop my last shot

so it can be out of my system for the 12 hours needed 

for the epidural if I needed/wanted it.

So if I do get induced,

I could have an epidural and have a normal,

conscious c-section.

However, if my body isn't ready when I'm induced,

I could possibly go in at 1cm,

and have to be worked all the way to 10cm.

Say hello to the epidural.

Not ideal or the way I wanted it.

My plan was to have as natural of a birth as I could get.

Now this complicates things.

2. I could wait till my body is ready

somewhere between 40 and 41 weeks.

However,

if I wait until my body is ready,

I wont know when to take my last shot

to get the blood thinners out of my system.

So if it is in my system when I deliver,

I cannot have the option of an epidural,

and if I have a c-section I will have to be

completely knocked out.

So Matt and I have some thinking and deciding to do.

I feel like my life this past week has been put in a blender.

All of my plans for when I deliver have changed,

this adds a financial strain,

and I now have to get established with a new provider

at 36 weeks pregnant.

Not ideal I must say.

I'm nervous and not quite sure what to do,

but it will all come together.

If there is anything I know for sure throughout this whole process,

is that this wasn't my plan. 

None of this is what I would have wanted or chosen.

But if it isn't my plan,

then I have to trust that this is God's plan for me.

I just need to follow His plan,

and I'm confident everything will work out. 

So here I walk through faith in this process

and I'm learning many lessons along the way.

There are so many hidden tender mercies and blessing throughout this process,

that I know God loves us and takes care of us.

He will never just leave us stranded and say

"Good Luck".

He will always be there for us to rely on

if we just ask for help :)

So with all that said

and sharing my crazy week,

here is my 36 week picture :)

The ultrasound we had at the hospital

told us that our little girl has a head full of hair

and that she weighs 5 pounds 6oz.

Nice and healthy :)